I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
high people should be assigned attendants
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
