Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
