the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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