And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
