Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
