What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
