Im at strip club and am horny
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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