weddingsv make me drug and hornr
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
