U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
