is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
