Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
sex in a hospital.. check
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
