last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
