ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
