Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
