No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
