I think my vagina is haunted
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
