No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
