Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
