Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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