One girl and one boy is just not enough.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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