last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
