new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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