stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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