Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
