why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
