just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
