we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
