oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
