you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
