Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
