I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
