in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize