I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
