I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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