He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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