she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
