thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just forgot I was standing up.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
