fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
