dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
