I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
