Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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