apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
