Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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