Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
