just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
