even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
