You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
