talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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