somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize