Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So vagazzling was a success
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
