You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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