Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
