Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
