It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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