so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
thus making me awesome and them whores
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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