I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
