great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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