I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
