So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
