i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
do nipples grow back?
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