Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
