Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize