i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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