TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
