cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
