thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
