Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
COCAINE IS GR8
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
