fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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