so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
