I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize