im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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