i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
