Where did you get a picture of my penis
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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