I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
