i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
