I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
