I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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