remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
