No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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