about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
