I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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