he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
