I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
