Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
