Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
