Barsexuality is the new black.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
