i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
