How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
