I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
