Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize