Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize