I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
