I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
