Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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