apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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