I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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