airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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