some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
