She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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