dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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